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Communication can be so difficult, but yet it is so important right? So much of how we are taught how to communicate can really make things a lot more challenging when we are adults. Some of us bottle up our emotions until we feel like we are going to explode. Some of us raise our voice because that is what we saw our family due in order to be heard. Some of us minimize our needs because we don't think they are as important as our partners. The list goes on and on. Below are 3 tips to be able to improve your communication in your relationship.
Listen First
We all so much want to be heard in our relationship. So many times, we are often so preoccupied with what we are wanting to say in response to the other person, that we miss out on so much of what is being said. If you are struggling with this, I have found that when someone practices empathy first, then they are only able to focus on what is being heard versus what they want to say. Once then, that person is heard, they will then be more open and able to hear you when you communicate as well.
Use "I" Versus "You"
Imagine if your partner says to you, "You don't care about me", or "You never do what I ask of you." What is your gut response? If you're anything like me or the couples I have worked with, you will likely be feeling defensive. Now, Imagine if your partner said, "I was hurt when I did not get a text back from you all day and it make me think that you did not care." Or, "I felt frustrated when I asked you two times today to help me with cleaning the house and it didn't happen." Just the slightest changes can make the biggest difference in how helpful a conversation can be. Give it a shot this week and see what happens!
Take a Break
It is inevitable that there will be times where our emotions will get the best of us in the heat of the moment, and we can end up saying things that we will later regret. We ALL need to take a break at times, and that is totally okay! When you notice yourself feeling intense emotions, let your partner know that you need a break, and how much time you need. This is what I call, "damage control."
For more tools or a place to share, please read more about couples therapy and reach out soon for a consultation.
I offer a free 30 minute consultation call to hear what your needs are and to answer any questions that you have. It is important to have a therapist that you feel comfortable with.
Reach out to me today to see if we would be a good fit!